Not True News

Survival of the fittest

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Everyone has probably heard of the annual Darwin Awards; probably the only prize that no-one wants to win. Each year, the organisers compile a list of those deaths that seem to prove Darwin’s %u201CSurvival of the Fittest%u201D theory. People whose acts of outright stupidity have lead to their early demise. There are even books, exhibition stands and TV programmes on the subject. Not bad for something that st​arted out as a student prank a few years ago!

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H’Angus, the Monkey

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The news that a donkey is in the running to be mayor of the Bulgarian town of Varna reminded me of a more local mayoral story that actually managed to make the national headlines – and that doesn’t happen very often in this far-flung corner of north-east England! Of course, like any wacky story it did end up making us a laughing stock for a while, but we had the last laugh when our rather unusual and infamous mayor turned out to be a great local politician, with some great education and fuel storage policies, and an even better ambassador for the town of Hartlepool. Not bad for a man who used to spend his weekends dressed in a furry monkey suit cavorting round a football field!

The town of Hartlepool is, unfortunately, most famous for an incident during the Napoleonic Wars, when a French ship was wrecked off the coast and the only survivor washed ashore was the ship’s pet – a small monkey wearing a velvet waistcoat. Having never seen a Frenchman before, and believing the propaganda that most of our neighbours across the Channel were somewhat hairy individuals who communicated in unintelligible grunts, the poor simian was promptly tried and hanged as a French spy. Since then the natives of Hartlepool have been known throughout the land the ’Monkey Hangers'and no-one has embraced this nickname more than the town’s football team.

In fact, they even went so far as to create a loveable character called ‘H’Angus, the Monkey'to be their match day mascot. H’Angus became such a local celebrity that he eventually decided to stand as a candidate in the Hartlepool mayoral elections – and somehow managed to win! The man inside the suit, Stuart Drummond, who had actually been thrown out of two away games for “incidents” involving female stewards, did such a great job that he was elected for a second term without a monkey suit in sight…

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Oui oui!

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Everyone’s favorite French actor Gerard Depardieu (well, how many others can you name?) was caught short in a rather unusual place this week; no, not a silver jewellery store or a film premiere, but a Ryan air plane that was about to take off from Paris heading for Dublin. Just as the aircraft was taxiing to the runway, Depardieu demanded to use the “facilities” on board, getting to his feet and yelling to the astonished passengers and crew “Je veux More

Derek Jeter

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Derek Jeter

So I just saw the news regarding what souvenirs are for sale from Derek Jeter’s recent 3,000 hit milestone. The Yankees are going so far as to sell Derek’s dirty socks and–get this–tiny portions of dirt from the field for $250 a pop. Would anybody out there pay for that kind of stuff? What do you do with it once you buy it? Do you wash those socks?

Jeter’s thought of in Boston as a pretty boy, and guy who More

Did Nicki Minaj Die?

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Did Nicki Minaj Die?

The media helps in circulating news very fast but a disadvantage of this is that the rumours will spread very fast as well. A few days ago, there was a rumour that popular rapper Nicki Minaj was dead. It was all ov er the internet especially on twitter and a lot of people shared the information so convincingly like they have seen the artiste’s corpse in person. However, twitter also deserves some credit because it also provided access to her More

Obama’s Visit to Ireland

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The news on the television moved from 24 hour fuel oil suppliers to the visit of the President of the United States of America to Ireland. This was a much anticipated visit for many reasons; most of which I do not know. There are however many political connections to his visit and he also took time out for some things that are not related to politics. There were many things about Obama journey that got in the news; many are of significance while a few others are not news worthy. More

When Should Footballers Retire?

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When Should Footballers Retire?

We recently got news about the retirement of Manchester United legend, Paul Scholes. The good thing is t hat he will have time to take long holidays and probably visit and enjoy luxury villas Algarve or any other luxurious location around the world. The not so good issue about Scholes’s retirement is that he will be sorely missed by football fans around the world. He earned over sixty international caps for England and over six hundred for Manchester United. Scholes More

Is Osama Dead?

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Is Osama Dead?

I was online trying to shop for the best worldwide roamig sim card when news filtered in about Osama bin Laden’s death. I was not moved because anyone has the right to cook something up and post it online. As expected, the social networking site users were the next to send in the news but I did not believe as well since many people still alive have been reported dead on these sites. To cut the long story short news More

Royal Wedding Klondike Scandal

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Royal Wedding Klondike Scandal

SHOCK HORROR: Not True News brings you the TRUTH about the Royal Wedding. After THAT kiss on THAT balcony, Wills took Kate back to their luxury apartments - wings of Buckingham Palace decked out with lapis lazuli, orchids and many other such beautiful flowers - where they played on-line card games including click to play klonkdike, poker and solitaire, till 4am this morning. According to NTN’s sources inside Buck House, the happy couple’s wins exceeded their losses to the More

A Woman Expecting 12 Babies

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Yes, you read it right. A woman in Tunisian claims to be expecting 12 babies. As reported, this lady, after suffering from a number of miscarriages, opted for fertility treatment, and is now expecting 12 babies, 6 boys and 6 girls. One of its own kinds, this case has drawn attention of a number of medical experts as it is the first time ever that a lady is expecting a dozen of kids. Though experts have confirmed the pregnancy, but More

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Oui oui!
24 August 2011
Derek Jeter
28 July 2011

“We are all crazy, but those that analyze their craziness are called philosophers”